Web desk(June 19, 2018): Irrfan Khan announced in March that he is suffering from neuroendocrine cancer. Recently, he penned down a letter about his battle with a rare form of the disease.
Here are a few glimpses from his writing.
‘It’s been quite some time now since I have been diagnosed with a high-grade neuroendocrine cancer. This new name in my vocabulary, I got to know, was rare, and due to fewer study cases, and less information comparatively, the unpredictability of the treatment was more. I was part of a trial-and-error game.”I had been in a different game, I was travelling on a speedy train ride, had dreams, plans, aspirations, goals, was fully engaged in them. And suddenly someone taps on my shoulder and I turn to see.
It’s the TC: “Your destination is about to come. Please get down.”
I am confused: “No, no. My destination hasn’t come.” “No, this is it. This is how it is sometimes.”
‘The suddenness made me realize how you are just a cork floating in the ocean with unpredictable currents and you are desperately trying to control it.’
In this chaos, shocked, afraid and in panic, while on one of the terrifying hospital visits, I blabber to my son, “The only thing I expect from me is not to face this crisis in this present state. I desperately need my feet. Fear and panic should not overrule me and make me miserable.”
That was my intention and then pain hit. As if all this while, you were just getting to know pain, and now you know his nature and his intensity. Nothing was working, no consolation, no motivation. The entire cosmos becomes one at that moment, just pain, and pain felt more enormous than God.
‘Throughout my journey, people have been wishing me well, praying for me, from all over the world. People I know, people I don’t even know. They were praying from different places, different time zones, and I feel all their prayers become one. One big force, like a force of current, which got inside me through the end of my spine and has germinated through the crown of my head.’
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